Let it Out: Ola's Story

 
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The Let it Out series is an eye-opening look into "what we're going through" while we're still going through it. In her poem Divine Timing, Ola shares her journey into meditation over the last eight months as she navigated personal trauma and transitions. This piece is a day-in-the-life that includes Sanskrit mantras learned in her spiritual excursion. 


BY OLA MAZZUCA

5:30 am. Alarm. Get up. Espresso. Answer emails. Gym.

GAU-RA-ANG-GA

Back home. Standing breakfast. Shower. Palo Santo. Sandalwood. A flame.

NI-TAI GAUR

Panic ensues mid-practice. The laundry. The groceries. This bill. That bill.

GAU-RA-ANG-GA

That press release. Those emails. Answer texts. A friend in need. Call Nonni.

NI-TAI GAUR

What about that project? And that audio? And that photo essay? And that other thing you had to do?

Om Bhavam Namah

Oh, right. I’m in practice. Breathe in. Breathe out. How much time is left?

GAU-RA-ANG-GA.

Toxic energy. A ball and chain. Why here? Why now? I search for the key.  

NI-TAI GAUR

There is only now, the past and future do not exist.

Om Bhavam Namah

But, Ola, all we have is TIME, right? Timing is divine.

GAU-RA-ANG-GA.

That’s why it’s tattooed on my left wrist.

It’s the word on the sign I see as I look out the window every day.

It’s the Patois license plate on that Honda Civic ahead of me on Bloor

- ‘Tek Time’ -

As I race through the intersection

To get to a client interview - on TIME.

NI-TAI GAUR

But time? What the fuck is it anyway?

Om Bhavam Namah

It’s mine, not yours.

Om Namah Shivia

I forgot

How to protect it, cherish it, savour it, in gratitude.

Like every moment is my last.

GAU-RA-ANG-GA

My cousin says, ‘let go and let God.’

So, I surrender.

NI-TAI GAUR

I’ve been my own bully up until now.

But bullies don’t serve people well,

So, I said goodbye to that girl.

I left her in the past.

GAU-RA-ANG-GA

Yet, sometimes she comes around,

So, I pause.

I take a moment.

I take time.

To step away. And breathe.

NI-TAI GAUR

I inhale, I exhale. In presence.

In divine timing.

I surrender, and proclaim:

Om Bhavam Namah

Om Namah Shivia

 

Thanks Ola! You can follow her journey here


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Add your perspective to the Let it Out series! Over the next couple of months, we'll be exploring the theme of identity together. We invite you to share your story. It's a cathartic process that just may help someone who's going through it too. Fill out the form below to be featured.

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Marijke Kailah